


I don’t know how to be me without you, how to be me without ‘we’

by bigsweatersandcuddleweather



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Footballer Louis, Gen, M/M, Manchester United, Model Harry, Model Zayn, football au, footballer liam, footballer niall, man united
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:49:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1241872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsweatersandcuddleweather/pseuds/bigsweatersandcuddleweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've always been Zaynandliam, even before the world knew their names. Liam doesn't know how to be Liam without Zayn, doesn't know if he can.</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>Ziam footballer!au: Liam is a huge footie star in England and Zayn is his super famous fashion model bf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don’t know how to be me without you, how to be me without ‘we’

"Liam, get your fucking head on the game?" a voice called out before something slammed into the back of his skull, sending him careening toward the floor.

"Good job Louis." Niall called out, in between his hysterical laughter.

"What the hell was that for Lou?" Liam huffed, straightening the red jersey that covered his torso, Manchester United blazoned across the top.

"Because we’re playing a game Payne. Get your head out of your boyfriends arsehole and get back in." Louis shouted, coming over so that the c on the band around his upperarm standing out against the red.

"Ew, my head isn’t in my boyfriends ass, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention him." Liam scoffed, picking himself off the ground.

"Gladly. I got enough of a glance that one time with you two in the bathroom at that restaura-"

"Alright, that’s enough ye bastard. Didn’t you say something about having a game to play…captain?" reaching over to yank on the armband teasingly but Louis just growled and slapped him in the head once more, before grabbing the back of his hair and pulling him close with a surprisingly gentle grip.

"I know you miss him Liam. And it’s okay. But he wouldn’t want to see you so down. Now come on, and let’s win this, alright?" Liam tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat because the way Louis was looking at him sent shivers down his spine and made the muffled tears in his throat want to come out in harsh sobs because he really did just miss his little boyfriend.

"Yeah, yeah lou. Let’s win this." He said, fist bumping his proffered and jugging back onto the field, feeling a new fire burning at the soles of his feet that had him playing harder.

Stepping into his flat later that evening he could sense something was different, something felt…wrong…off. Carefully putting down his bag he reached into the drawers of the table off to one side and pulled out a envelope cutter, stalking quietly and nimbly through the halls, checking each room until he came across his shared bedroom with Zayn, the door slightly ajar. Taking a deep breath he pushed slowly, eyes becoming accustomed to the dark and nearly laughing in relief mingled with happiness because his boyfriend was right there, laying on their bed, still fully clothed from the plane ride, when he wasn’t supposed to be home for another week.

Liam tossed the envelope opener to one side, crawling up the bed, his eyes trailing over the smaller body spread across the Egyptian thread bed sheets, looking so soft and warm that he wanted nothing more then to press his lips to every surface of skin, until he rememorized the taste and touch and feel of Zayn. His Zayn.

He stayed hovering over the pink tinted cheeks, the slightly red bitten lips, swollen and puffed that Liam was tempted to kiss him until they were red and swollen for another reason. His eyes trailed over every inch of that face he loved so much, the stubble that was growing in slightly to the freshly shaven face, inky eyelashes that stuck together and fanned over his cheeks in waves and curled upward, like a girls but no girl had eyes or eyelashes like his Zayn, ones that made Liam’s heart stutter and all the words fall off his lips in awe.

So lost in his deep fantasies he didn’t notice as the smaller lad squirmed, opening those eyes to look up at Liam with big doe eyes, sleepy haze and filmy with dreams that Liam was sure he was a part of.

"Hey, welcome back babe.This was a lovely surprise." Liam said, grinning bright when he heard that amused grumble of a chuckle that purred through Zayn’s chest, a silent hello before Zayn actually fully woke up enough to understand.

"It’s okay babe. Go back to sleep." he said, feeling guilty for waking him up, he was obviously jetlag. Sliding off the bed he leaned over, tugging off Zayn’s brand new shoes, probably a gift from the designer, and gently unbuttoning and pulling off his jeans. Zayn whined as Liam jarred him enough to get his shirt and denim sweater off, reaching out to pull the taller man to his side and sigh happily.

"Alright. I’ll be right back babe. I’l still all sweaty from the game." "

No. Stay here. Missed you. A lot." the sleepy mumbling voice pressed to his throat as he shuffled under the covers, careful to put the stuffed bear between them.

"Yeah, I missed you too. A lot." pressing a kiss to the top of his smooth tan forehead before tucking it under his chin, bringing the covers back over them until it was just them. Liam and Zayn. _LiamandZayn_.

 

Glancing into the crowds his heart gave a jolt when he saw the shock of dark hair standing up, waving and jumping as soon as he saw that he had Liam’s attention. Zayn laughed, waving his arms and flapping around since Liam’s old jersey was obviously too big on him. But it didn’t stop the flutter that slammed into his heart as soon as he saw it, his boy wearing his clothes. He started to laugh as soon as Zayn turned to show him the back, showing off the same numbers that Liam had emblazoned on his but the name didn’t say Payne. It said Malik-Payne. and that made it all the much better because it wasn’t just him anymore, it was them.

The image of Zayn standing there, in the crowd of strangers, a familiar spot in his heart had Liam playing harder then he ever had before, running with a fury and tacking the ball every time it was in his vicinity.

"Goddamn Liam. We won. Bloody hell if having Zayn here helps that much I’m gonna make the little shit a cheerleader."

"I bet he’d like that. Liam is a creepy fuck. Seeing Zayn in a cheerleading costume, dancing around in a skirt and those stupid pom pom things." Liam groaned and swung at Niall as he lingered in the locker room, trying to contain his arousal because yes, that sounds fucking incredible. But just having Zayn with him all the time sounds even better.

"Stop talking about my sex life. And don’t pretend like you wouldn’t love to see me in a cheerleading outfit." Zayn appeared from his right, striking a pose that made Liam want to cringe and salivate at the same time because when did Zayn, his innocent, unassuming shy boyfriend learn to pose so temptingly. Or was he now just noticing it?

"And don’t try and play off our love like Louis. I brought a certain friend of mine who couldn’t wait to see you again. But I’ll just tell him that you’re not interested, seeing as you seem to love talking more about my sex life." Zayn shrugged, turning to walk away but Louis’s arm wrapped around his neck ,grabbing him in a chokehold.

"If you tell him anything except that I am an amazing lad with a hilarious sense of humor who loves green eyes I will chop off your dick, but it’s not like you actually use it in this relationship. Eh Zayner?" Zayn growled, flipping around and tackling Louis around his waist, putting those boxing lessons Liam forced on him to good use, straddling Louis’s waist and laying jabs left and right, playfully until someone clearing their voice had them all whirling around.

"So, An amazing lad with a sense of humor and loves green eyes? I’m a little disappointed you're more interested in other people’s sex lives. Me and you could’ve had something." Harry’s hair fell in those curls that girls loved, a scarf wrapped around his neck that couldn’t protect the drizzle of English rain that turned the tip of his nose pink.

"Oh, I have no interest whatsoever in their pathetic sex life. I’m more interested in what you and me can get up to." throwing the lightweight brunette off of him Louis stood, trying to appear gallant, or as gallant as he could be in his boxers.

"That was rude." Zayn huffed, taking Niall’s outstretched hand and draping all over the blonde who hoisted him up onto his back and ran around the locker room, both of them screaming at the top of their lungs and banging on metal lockers in celebration. But all Liam can do is laugh and smile because that’s the Zayn he loves, big goofy smile and bright eyes as he clings with skinny arms to his best mate, laughing raucously and with abandon. The rush of affection wasn’t new and it didn’t take him by surprise, as he moved, pulling Zayn off of Niall and into his own arms, face pressed into the juncture where neck met shoulder and inhaling, the scent of home and love and familiarity and Zayn. And Zayn just went along with it, humming under his breath and reaching with one hand to the nape of Liam’s neck, tugging lightly in the little hairs there before cupping the back of his head and rubbing his hair gently.

"Love you too Li. Congratulations." Zayn whispered, pressing kisses to his cheek and along his neck, soft like a whisper, trailing down his face and to his exposed shoulder.

"Get a room you asses. Some of us are sexually deprived and though we do like a good porno we don’t want to see our friends dicking each other." the sound of everyone in the locker room’s laugh echoed in the cavernous room, amused at Niall’s teasing. Zayn groaned while Liam threw his dirty towel in Niall’s face. Zayn’s red hot face seared into his chest and his hand ran through the dark hair, pressing a kiss there, unashamed because he was proud of Zayn, and no matter what anyone says he will never be ashamed to hold this man in his arms and kiss him like nothing else matter. Because nothing else does.

"Yeah well I am so sexually pleased…every single night." Zayn scoffed, shoving him away.

"Come on Haz. Let’s let these pricks fuck each other." Zaynreached out for Harry, and his best friend didn’t hesitate to leave Louis’s side, throwing an arm over the petite shoulders and walk out with him, not before miming an inappropriate gesture at Louis who looked dumbfounded and pleased at the same time. And Liam knew what he was going to ask before he even opened his devious little lips.   
"No, we’re not going to have an orgy Louis. Ye dirty freak. Zayn is mine and mine alone." he said, whipping the back of Louis’s legs with his towel and yelping as the whole team ganged up on him. 

 

Liam wasn’t new to this procedure, something that came with being one half a celebrity gay couple and coming to see his boyfriend’s show, standing there and waiting for them to snap a few pictures of him, he just didn’t expect them to be so interested in him, until he heard what some of them were asking.

"Liam, are you proud of Zayn?"

"Well of course I’m proud of Zayn. I’m always proud of him." he said, trying to bare the flashing lights and keep the smile on his face.

"Yes, but he’s the new face of Louis Vuitton and even Gucci has requested him for a few trials. How does it feel to be the boyfriend of someone that everybody wants?" someone asked, shoving a mic in his face. He batted it away, the words echoing in his head as he shot off some generic answer about his love for Zayn but he couldn’t help but think, _someone who everybody wants_.

So what was keeping Zayn with him? If everybody wanted him, he could have anybody he wanted. Someone who wasn’t constantly traveling around, risking injury to play a game where they chase down a ball? What was stopping Zayn from going out and finding someone that would still be in bed when he woke up in the morning, someone that could go with him to all of these posh parties instead of having to go solo because Liam was either out of town on an away game or too exhausted from practice.

So into his thoughts Liam didn’t even notice the show starting until the models came out, his beloved boyfriend leading the show. When Zayn was on stage it was like he became someone entirely new to Liam, the person that the rest of the world saw. The haughty strong, rougish model with the scowl that made his chiseled jaw elongate and those cheekbones gleam in the light, the intense stare of his eyes smoldering ahead as he walked, long strides with a little slump in his shoulders. Liam was always in awe of this Zayn, compared to the one he knew that smiled softly as he read happy endings in books, cuddled up under his arm on rainy weekdays, swaddled in his sweats.

Or the Zayn that no one but him gets to see, the one one that’s sprawled across their bed, heaving for breath in between writing and whining, eyes blown and lust driven as Liam teases him endlessly, whimpering and bucking, begging for a touch, a hand or mouth, begging and pliant under his larger hands that roam over the skin that people dream of touching, driving him absolutely mad until he’s limp and satiated. One of his favorite Zayn’s. But that’s biased because all Zayn’s are his favorite.

His eyes were always trained on the people in the crowd as well as his boyfriend as he made his appearances, seeing the swooning affect that he had on both women and men alike, their eyes lustful and attracted. And all he wanted to do was scream at all of them that this gorgeous creature was his, all his, he wanted to run up to Zayn and mark him, show everybody that they couldn’t have this person he loved with all his heart and with every single bone and membrane in his body, so much that to be apart felt like he was missing limbs and appendages and his heart and like he wasn’t even there. Not really. Not without Zayn.

He escaped backstage when everything was done, wrapping his arms around the skinny torso that he knew so well, pressing kisses to the back of the fern tattoo and glaring at people who looked unhappily in his direction.

"You were amazing love. Put all the other models to shame." Liam said, nuzzling the dark hair when Zayn turned to give him a proper hug.

"I wasn’t that good. But thank you babe. Are those for me?" the pretty pink flush crept up his high cheekbones as Liam presented him with flowers, making those irises shine different with love and affection for this stupid idiot that loved him and brought him flowers and sat through these long boring fashion shows for him.

"You were that good. Spectacular. Now come on. Harry said that he was going to meet us at the after party with Louis and Niall." Zayn stopped him with a hand on his bicep, strong and muscular under his touch.

"Actually, could we just go back to the flat?" "Really? You don’t want to go to the party?" surprised as the tan head shook, prefectly styled mussed hair barely moving out of place and Liam hated that. Not the hair or the styles because he could never hate a speck of hair on Zayn’s pretty head, but the fact that he had to made it done up so much when Liam could have easily achieved that if they had been given ten minutes alone in a backroom.

"I just want to be with you. In bed, reading or drinking tea or watching telly. I miss spending time with you." he said, surging forward to press a kiss to Liam’s surprised pout, once, twice and again until Liam was grinning, knotting their fingers together.

"Yeah, let’s get out of here. Just you and me tonight." biting his lip to stop the monstrous smile as Zayn giggled, actually giggled and pressed to his side, arm wrapped around his waist and head pressed to his side as Liam guided them both out the door, through the barrage of paparazzi whose flickering lights went wild, trying to capture the moment between up and coming model Zayn Malik and his boyfriend pro footballer for Man United Liam Payne. It would be all over the papers tomorrow but they didn’t care, already in the car and heading back to the flat to immerse themselves in each other.

If they had their way they would hide away for the next few days, with each other, in each other but they had lives and obligations and people who depended on them. But their first priorities were to each other. Everybody else would just have to wait their turn.

 

"So, I heard you’re the new face of Louis Vuitton, and potentially Gucci. How does it feel, Mr. Big shot?" they were laid out on the bed, Zayn nestled in the crook that his body curves into sideways, legs thrown over his bent knees, head nestled on his arm and over his heart, tapping along with the beat of Liam’s heart, the one that only goes for him. Cries out his name everyday, _ZaynZaynZaynZayn_.

"Not a big model. ‘M still Zayn. And your still Liam. And we’re still _ZaynandLiam_.”

"Yeah, but what happens if you don’t want to be _ZaynandLiam_ anymore? What if you meet someone who makes you want to be just Zayn? I don’t know how to be Liam without Zayn.” hiding his face in the dark mussed mass of hair in front of him, safe and familiar.

Zayn was quiet for a minute, and Liam knew he wasn’t mad or actually thinking about leaving, but pondering on how to go about answering his lover. Zayn was careful and contemplative, thinking things through clear precise and looking at it from everyone’s angle and god, Liam just wanted to kiss that concentrated look right off his face till it was dazed and nearly loopy with want, the forehead smoothing out and eyebrows arching in need. But more then anything he just wanted to pull him close and hide under the covers, savoring his love and the way everything felt right, until they had to separate and everything was wrong and his heart hurt and stuttered and failed.

"Liam, listen." Zayn’s hand was taking his own, sitting up so that the dark hair fell into his eyes, the glasses shielding those pretty pretty eyes, but making them seem all the more bigger as Zayn said right by his side, putting his hand on his chest so that it covered his heart, and moving his other hand to his own heart.

"Just…listen for a minute." Zayn said, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, prompting Liam to do the same, even though all he wanted to do was watch his pretty boy with big glasses on his small nose, slipping slightly, and looking all rucked and sleepy. he wanted to pull him closer and nestle them both to sleep, in each others arms, until they had to separate again and he wouldn’t know what it feels like to be whole until they were together again. He did as Zayn asked, and closed his eyes, feeling the heartbeat under his fingers, listening as they beat as one, together, once twice, again and again.

"I don’t know how to be me without you because there is no Zayn without Liam. We’re kindred souls, and people search forever for their other half but I’m lucky because I found mine and I’m not ever going to let you go. Our hearts beat the same, together. That’s proof enough. If you hurt, I hurt. If you cry, I tear up right away, when you’re happy it’s like god shining from the heavens because…god… your smile lights up everything in the room. And your heart stops beating then so does mine. We’re in this together Liam. You and me, _LiamandZayn_.” he leaned forward with each soft spoken word, until his forehead was pressed right on Liam’s noses skimming and breath intermingling. And Liam could see the love and affection blazened in those irises, baring down on him, filling him, anchoring him but making him feel weightless all at once and all over.

"Yeah, you and me. No one else."

"No one." Zayn promised, holding their hands together as he pressed a kiss to their joint knuckles, before crawling up and kissing Liam’s lips, long and soft, promises and love and so much in those few seconds of lips meeting. But it said more then their words could.


End file.
